Julio Lugo's Excuse

Got the first word on this from a new baseball blog (co-authored by Deadspin's Combudsman and a featured Deadspin commenter), which links to a Rob Bradford piece for the Herald, but apparently Julio Lugo (pictured at right, inexplicably getting high fives from teammates last year) and his complete inability to play effective baseball last year can be explained away quite simply. Apparently, the parasites made him do it.

"I never got my strength back," Lugo said. "I started training in January and that only made it worse, and when I got to spring training, I wasn't right. "Last year I was sick before I came in. I was weak. I just couldn't get my bat through the zone. This year I feel better. I'm in better condition."

And here I thought Lugo was the parasite, sucking $10 mil from the Red Sox last year while producing a lovely .230-something average. Now, I know I'm the least impartial Sox fan in the universe when it comes to the subject of Julio Lugo (while most Sox fans were incorrectly directing their bile at J.D. Drew last year, just because he was getting paid even more and despite that he produced significantly more than Lugo...but that's the start of a long rant that no one wants to read, so I'll spare you all). As far as I can figure, Theo Epstein took some Cialis three years ago and got a raging Lugo-boner, and he never consulted his doctor when the condition persisted. Lugo never did anything against the Sox as a member of the vaunted Devil Rays (unless he started one of their annual bench-clearing brawls and I don't remember it) that would make a normal fan think he was worthy of being much more than a journeyman who could steal some bases.

Luckily, we've got stud shortstop prospect Jed Lowrie in our system, and Sox fans can only hope that he does to Julio Lugo what Jacoby Ellsbury did to Coco Crisp. Then again, I like Coco...I won't be compelled to pop open a bottle of champagne when he gets traded away.

Hoc-key? Hell yes

After spending all day following it and talking about it with the three remaining hockey fans I actually know, I figured I'd write about the things that surprised me about Trade Deadline Day for the NHL, other than the fact that the Bruins are still in line for a playoff spot.


THE BIG ONE: Of course, for weeks the biggest name expected to be on the move was one Marian Hossa. I resisted the urge to curl up in the fetal position when I read rumors today that the Montreal Canadiens might be the front-runners for two months of his services. Thankfully, that was only a nightmare, and when I woke up in a cold sweat, Hossa was on his way to Pittsburgh. Now it is only opposing Eastern Conference goaltenders that need to fear, though it remains to be seen if they pair Hossa with Crosby and Malkin to make the most dangerous line in the NHL, or opt for scoring depth over two lines. Either way, the Pens may have just become the toughest 'out' in the East.


THE HEAD SCRATCHER: In what many people thought was a precursor to the Horrible Habs picking up Mr. Hossa, they traded away their most proven goaltender, Cristobal Huet. Huet was set to be an unrestricted free agent after the season, but still, the Canadiens seemed to be poised to make a serious run at the Stanley Cup this year, coming into tonight three points out of the Northeast Division lead. Now they're pinning their playoff hopes on solid-prospect-but-unproven Carey Price. I understand the desire not to lose Huet for nothing, but at the cost of this season it seems...a little too future-focused. But then again, they do a lot of things oddly in French Canada.


THE NON-MOVE: Phil Kessel is still a Bruin. Milan Lucic is still a Bruin. These are very good things. I am very glad the Bruins didn't sell out for a rent-a-player this year, because this year isn't about winning the Cup, it's about setting the franchise up to be in position to win the Cup for as many years as possible in the near future. And who knows, with this team so built around its defense and goaltending, it may not take more than Tim Thomas being this year's "Goaltender who gets on a ridiculous hot streak in the playoffs, thereby carrying his team about two rounds further than they should have gone" (Sidenote: should we name that award after J.S. Giguere from '03 or Kiprussoff from a couple of years ago?)


THE SIDE MOVES OF NOTE: The Avalanche picked up Peter Forsberg off the street, as well as Adam Foote from Columbus, in hopes of reuiniting their 2001 Cup Champion team for another run at the title. Ray Bourque was apparently unavailable. Sergei Fedorov, who I was surprised to learn was still in the league, also moved to Washington, who are clearly hellbent on winning the Southeast Division away from the Hurricanes. (Sidenote: that division really doesn't deserve to get a playoff spot...the winner should get a bye in the AHL Playoffs) Also, former Bruins Martin Lapointe (Ottawa), Hal Gill (Pittsburgh) and Brad Stuart (Detroit) were moved today. Also Brad Richards was traded, but I didn't care, so he gets final billing.

In summation, I think following the Trade Deadline Day has officially gotten me back into hockey on the whole, just in time for the playoffs.

Barnsley > Inter Milan ???

I haven't posted much on Liverpool in the last couple of months because, well, they've sucked something awful. They were ousted from the Carling Cup by Chelsea in the quarterfinals, their atrocious league form has them 19 points below league leaders Arsenal, and worse, out of the top 4. Beyond that, there is a point of argument over which FA Cup round was where they truly bottomed out: In the fifth round, losing to Coca-Cola Championship mid-table team Barnsley at home (roughly the equivalent of the Red Sox losing to their AA affiliate), or in the fourth round when they fell behind twice to semi-professional team Havant and Waterlooville (roughly the equivalent of the NBA's Western Conference All-Stars falling behind early to a high school JV squad) before eventually winning, 5-2.

Anyway, all this led up to what was likely to be the beginning of the end of Liverpool's 2008 run in Europe. They faced Inter Milan, a team that is 11 points clear in Serie A that had one loss on the entire season in all competitions. The stage was set for a mild slaughter. As with all Champions League, I followed it online via BBC since I'm at work during the start of the matches. The picture above, in case you don't fully recognize it, is Zinedine Zidane's infamous World Cup 2006 Final headbutt on Italian Marco Materazzi. My favorite moment of following the match online was when the words: "RED CARD: MARCO MATERAZZI" appeared in the 30th minute. Of course, that also meant that Liverpool would now almost be expected to put up a goal, which would be necessary to have hope of going to Milan in March and come back out alive. By the time I got home and had changed, the match was in minute 87 and Liverpool had a crucial 1-0 lead, thanks to Dirk Kuyt's surprising decision to not be terrible (just for today) and convert on an 85th minute chance from sub and unheralded star of the match Jermaine Pennant. Tommy Smith, calling the game for ESPN2, saw the continued possession by the Reds and wondered how miraculous a 2-0 result could be if they could grab another late goal. Cue Pennant to Gerrard, who head faked two defenders to the left, which gave him enough of an opening (by inches) to move right, shoot by those two defenders, past the outstretched hand of the goaltender, off the far post and in.

So, as the lovely Transitive Property of Substitution says, Liverpool beats Inter Milan days after being defeated by Barnsley, so clearly Barnsley would have taken the Italians out with even less difficulty. As Ron Burgundy would say, "It's science."

USA vs. Mexico: The Unfriendly Friendly

To illustrate the rivalry and hatred between Mexico and U.S. Soccer, ESPN aired a segment interviewing Mexican fans about why they hated Landon Donovan so much. Apparently, during a practice on Mexican soil, he was caught on video urinating behind some bushes, and the Mexicans took it as a personal affront, as though he was urinating on them. (R Kelly not available for comment) The Mexicans continue to pretend like selling Corona in the U.S. isn't the exact same thing as pissing down American throats.

Anyway, since I decided to start commentary on it as I watched it (so that I wouldn't forget everything by tomorrow and abandon a post idea altogether), I guess this is a semi-live-blog (complete with double hyphen). In the first fifteen minutes, there was a bunch of non-action in the midfield, and all of my Jozy Altidore excitement was realized in about zero touches. And then, once Jozy gets free in on goal, it's blown dead thanks to an Oscar-winning dive that secured Mexico a place in the Flopping Bitch World Cup with Italy, Portugal and Spain. Italy, by the way, won the first semifinal of this World Cup today, 3-1, with Andrea Pirlo securing the winner just after halftime.

Bocanegra goes down after a hard collision with Tim Howard, but although Rhode Islander and Revolution alumnus Michael Parkhurst starts warming, Carlos stays in the game.

29th Minute: The Gooch has scored? The Gooch has scored!! 1-0 USA

35th Minute: Mexico equals on a very nice set piece off a mildly questionable foul. The man is Magallon. 1-1

I don't care for objectivity when analyzing this game. Tim Howard is a pretty spectacular goaltender. Don't really know what else to say about it.

40th Minute: Drew Moor makes an exceptional cross, and MY MAN JOZY puts the header home with ease! 2-1 USA!!

42nd Minute: I don't know what happened, but I just had to retract my bold font...Dempsey appeared to have a clear goal to put the US two clear, but they still haven't explained who waved it off or why. REPLAY UPDATE: THEY CALLED A SEVERE BULLSHIT OFFSIDES TO NULLIFY THE GOAL. F#$% THE REFS! KILL THE REFS! (This has been your Scottish Soccer Hooligan moment)

First Half Extra Time: Yellow card awarded to Michael Bradley. Mikey, just because you're the coach's son doesn't mean you can make careless fouls. He could send you to bed with no dessert for that.

Halftime: UNC is losing to Duke, and even worse, Kyle Singler's balls have yet to be stomped upon.

47th Minute: Ole motherf#$%ers...Mexico ties it up 2-2 right out of the locker rooms. Magallon again.

53rd Minute: Altidore gets a great chance at a header to take a lead they should still have, but the refs have full-fledged vaginas and won't call the foul in the box.

Mexico just looks like the better team since the halftime break. They must have had superior orange slices at halftime. It's a free kick from about 30 yards out for Mexico, but Howard has nerves of steel and makes the mildly difficult catch save. A great deflection by a US defender results in a corner kick, which is a win since it should easily have been a goal otherwise. US clears.

Adu in for Dempsey, Feilhaber in for Bradley, 63rd minute. It's Adu and Altidore, the wave of the future, on the attack. Team USA is possessing the ball a lot better immediately, but not making much forward progress, short of a quickly failed Altidore run. Mexico substitution: De Nigris for Cacho. My brother says of this substitution: "Shit"

Gooch gets a yellow card in the 70th minute for a hockey-style body check. Eddie Lewis replaces Bobby Convey. A naturalized Brazilian comes in for the Mexicans. That is gay. He should play for Brazil's C squad. Where are the naturalized Brazilians for the American side dammit?? The free kick from 30 yards is neutralized.

Adu is taking a corner, 74th minute. A nice offering is cleared, and possession eventually gets back to the Americans. Altidore gets a yellow as well, and the rivalry is getting heated as it almost always does.

Play is getting sluggish into the 83rd minute. A Mexican player is writhing in fake pain. I'm sure he'll play the rest of the game, forgetting this act in a minute or two. And he's up. Douchebag.

Mexico seems to be playing for the draw at this point. The international sister kiss is on the way.

Nevermind! Mexico gets a free kick oustide the right side of the box. US clears and it will take late heroics to change the late 2-2 score. Extra time is upon us, Mexico makes another change (Villaluz for Arce) but the game isn't flowing. Howard collects a long free kick, and another poor dispossession leads to a poor Mexican effort. Freddy Adu gets a foul in a decent position in the final seconds for the US. Donovan's kick is cleared on a header, and the match ends, 2-2. The disallowed goal on an insanely bad offsides call kept a somewhat deserved win from the young team.


Damn Mexicans...Dey tuk ur jaabs!!