Julie "The Cat" Gaffney Was Not Available

Apparently, my Anti-Jinxing Label was useless. After watching my two most hated college basketball teams play, and seeing the lesser of two evils prevail, I looked elsewhere on the Interwebs to see how my somewhat favorite, somewhat discarded team, the Boston Bruins, were doing. To my ultimate shock, they had come back from a 4-0 deficit halfway through the second period to tie up their game with the Pittsburgh Penguins! Because Clash of the Shitty Choirs (emphasis mine) was on for two hours in the usual Thursday Night Two Hours Of Awesome Comedy block, I wasn't jumping over to the usual high quality NBC shows.

For all of these reasons, I caught the final two minutes of regulation in tonight's Bruins-Penguins game, as well as the stalemate overtime and the abominable shootout. Tim Thomas looked bad on two goals allowed in the shootout, and Ty Conklin barely needed to do anything to stop the weak efforts of Phil "The Thrill" Kessel and Marco "From The Land Of Chocolate" Sturm. Honestly, in case you didn't see it, Tim Thomas was probably rusty early on, leading to the four Penguin goals, and though he must have played well in the late stages of the game, during the shootout he played about as well as Goldberg through most games in the first two Mighty Ducks movies. For those not "in the know", Goldberg's normal goaltending style against "The Hawks"/"Iceland" was to leave the entire goal wide open, only to dramatically and ineffectively dive across the goal, coming nowhere near the easy put-away goal. Dominik Hasek he was not.

Of course, wunderkind coach Gordon Bombay didn't realize until the end of the second movie how much Goldberg gobbled testicles, but when he finally woke the fuck up, he went to resident Mainer and otherwise useless Julie "The Cat" Gaffney to stop the Icelandic captain (douchebag?) for the win. And do you know what she did? She fucking stopped that Icelandic dickbag. And she was so awesome about it that she rocked the glove save, and she rocked it so hard that no one in the arena even knew she had saved it, until she tossed the puck up from her glove (apparently the referees and the goal judge couldn't tell that the puck wasn't in the net at all) to show that USA was once again the bestest ever. And then they played Queen's "We Are The Champions". Goosebumps aplenty, my friends.

As Team America so aptly put it, "America, FUCK YEAH!!"

I guess I shouldn't complain since the Bruins are still 2nd in the Eastern Conference in points, but their suckitude (spelling?) is slowly growing. Claude Julien has probably made them a playoff team, but not a true Cup contender.

Sidenote: Two Minute For Roping = Comedy

Sidenote 2: The Knucklepuck is the BALLS. Kenan Thompson set the groundwork for his future, earth-shattering role in "Snakes On A Plane" with this effort.